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Steps to Becoming a Gentle Person

Updated: Sep 3, 2020

“Only the truly strong can be gentle.”

In today’s world, we all know how to find the area of a triangle and how to do our taxes. But, has anyone ever taught us how to deal with our emotions? We all have had an experience were our anger gets the best of us, the situation escalates, and we say or do things we don’t mean. So, can anger be overcome? Whether it is anger at others or anger at our self, anger is a quality that can be completely eliminated up to 90-95%. A small amount of anger always remains with us which can be called righteous anger, the anger you feel when you see an injustice being done. However, up to this percent, you can live a life free from anger and transform the way you react when anger arises in you. Like any skill, the more you practice overcoming your anger, the better you become at it.


By practicing these simple steps, you can slowly begin to change the way you handle anger, making you a softer, kinder person.


The first step to overcoming any problem is to take an honest look at yourself and recognize the problems you may have. Acknowledge that you are getting angry.

Close Eyes

As soon as anger arises in you, close your eyes. No matter what is going on, if you can close your eyes in the heat of the moment, you can beat anger.


Immediately say the mantra, “Auzu billahi minas shaytanir rajeem.” This simply means, “Oh Light of the Universe, free me from the darkness.”

Cold Water

Leave the scene and go into the bathroom. Splash cold water on your face, arms, and feet. You may even want to drink cold water.

Change Clothes

Next, put on fresh undergarments if you can. You can even keep a few fresh pairs in the bathroom to make it easier.

Fresh Air

Once you leave the bathroom, do not go back to the room where anger was caused to you. The best place to go is out into the fresh air. Step outside and let yourself be refreshed by nature. You may even want to go for a short walk repeating the mantra, “Auzu billahi minas shaytanir rajeem.”


Slowly, slowly by practicing these steps consistently when anger comes, you will begin to be able to handle your anger and anger will begin to reduce. However, know that failure is inevitable, and sometimes we will fail, but do not lose hope! There’s a tradition that says, “Do not despair, for you must gain mastery.” As you practice these simple steps, you will notice that you begin to gain mastery of what you say or do when you feel angry or irritated. It becomes easier to refrain from saying mean words or acting aggressively, which in turn helps you to become a gentler, more loving, and kinder person.

Check out our infographic with a step by step guide of how to deal with anger.

For more information on how to deal with anger check out this YouTube video on our channel “Ecstatic Sufi.”

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